Artist Profile:

JesstheCougar

**I'M TAKING COMMISSIONS**

Hi everyone! Thanks for taking the time to read this! Well, let me start by saying I don't like to talk about myself. I ususally can't find things to say! But I'll give it a go since this is the reason you've clicked my profile.

So let's start with a little history, shall we? (and I'll be including Jesus in this "about me" because He is majorly influential in my life). Well, I've always loved art. It's coursed through my bloodstream since I was born. I've also always known about God. I grew up in church hearing about Him & stuff. Had a pretty cool childhood... two younger brothers, my own room, two parents who love me (which is saying a lot in today's time). Thanksgiving and Christmas were my favorite holidays because I was always around my family. Never really gave much more thought to God except that He was the guy we would sing to in church on Sundays.

So as I got older, my mom had more kids (currently I have four younger brothers, and two younger sisters, the youngest is just now a year). It's pretty cool, coming from a large family. It always meant security for me. It meant that I'd always have someone there for me when I needed someone. But that wasn't enough. No, I needed friends too.

When I reached my teen years, my friends started to behave in ways that "weren't allowed" in my life (by my parents and the rules they'd set up for me). Such as listening to certain music, watching certain movies, playing certain video games, cussing, having attitudes, being stubborn, etc... The problem was, that just because it wasn't allowed made me want to do those things. So I did. Just to get acceptance from my friends (who weren't really true friends anyway).

Now, I knew this whole time that the reason my parents laid out those rules for me was because they knew that behaving like this was not the correct response to God's infinite love for me. But I didn't understand God's love, so how was I going to respond to what I didn't understand? My parents tried to force me to "be good" because that's what Christians do. Be good. I didn't like that.

I became very very depressed and turned to what had been ingrained in me since birth - art. It helped a lot, especially since I found TLKFAA. I've always loved The Lion King since it came out (I still have the original VHS). So this place combined art and TLK and I was like, "Wow!" So I tried to fit in here as well. Now, being my friends had stabbed me in the back many times, and my family was trying to force-feed me Christianity, I had a hard time trusting people... which made me shy. So needless to say that despite my superior art skills (just kidding) my popularity here didn't really sky-rocket like I'd hoped (I mean, duh! Expecting to be AotM straight-away was kind of a far out expectation). So that depressed me even more.

Looking at my life - no friends, a family that thought something was wrong with me, no boyfriend (I'd never had a boyfriend at this point, and all my "friends" had had at least 3 each, so this was also a major self-esteem killer), and a God that seemed like this big rule-maker in the sky who enjoyed making life miserable for the little people. What a life, right?

So, I wanted to die. I hated myself, and I hated life. So what was the point, right? I had quite an intricate plan. Get some pills, down 'em, and fall asleep never to wake up again. It seems simple, but I had a problem. I just knew I'd fail. Someone would catch me and take me to the hospital to "help" me and I'd live. So I never tried. But that's a good thing because even then, Jesus was showing His love for me - He had a plan for my life, if I would only choose it.

At that point, I knew I had gone so far I'd have to reach up to touch the bottom. And my family kept pleading with me to look to God. Psh, as if God would take me back after deliberately dissing Him. But I didn't want my family to suffer because of me, so I played church. I put on a mask. And you know what? It worked, to my amazement!

"Hey," I thought, "I can do this. I can be completely dead inside (which is how I felt) and no one will know! They'll think I'm just fine."

I played that double-life thing for a couple of years. At my breaking point, I knew I couldn't do this anymore. So God in His soverignty, brought someone into my life.... no, not a boyfriend (Yeah, all through this I was demanding God to get me a man). No, He brought true friends to me. Friends who could relate to me. Friends who loved God for all He is... and let that love overflow into the lives of the people around them.

I was in complete awe. I had never seen God in the way they were presenting Him. My perspective was changing. I was actually finding out who God was by who He says He is (in the Bible), not from the example I'd seen in "church people".

I learned that God wasn't waiting on me to become better so that I could come to Him. He had already accepted me before I knew Him. Realizing how He saw me; knowing how He felt about me totally revolutionized my view of myself. My identity began to be transformed for the better. I wasn't the bitter, friendless, lonely outcast I had known myself as. I began to love God back. I decided to live my life for Him.

But I was still not fully getting it. I was still very selfish. My new, true friends were very patient with me and teaching me. God was (and still is!) the most patient though. My self-image had drastically improved at this point, but I still had a hole... no guy had ever, EVER shown any interest in me and that made me feel worthless and ugly. I begged God for a boyfriend daily. I even had a couple "suggestions" for God picked out! I mean, why not ask, right? God answers all prayers, doesn't He? What I didn't understand is that He'll say "no" in response to a prayer that He knows is not in your best interest.

But I'm getting side-tracked. Through the next couple of years, I kinda grew static in my relationship with Jesus. Not going anywhere.. boring. Then I heard about a school clear across the country. A school that taught how to get to know God. "Sounds like something I need," I thought. I checked out the website (hsesd.org) and decided it was worth going to. It was something I needed. So I quit my job, left all my family, my "secure" future, my car, my hobbies (art), having my own room, everything behind to find God (for real this time). It makes absolutely no logical sense to do what I did.

I'm sitting here typing this now with no job, crazy (and messy) roommates, my family on the opposite coast, no money, no transportation (except my own two legs)... but I wouldn't have traded where I am now for all the success in the world! If you are curious, email me and I'll share with you how real God is to me. How He's radically transforming my life. I'd type it out here, but I don't have that much room! lol.

And for those of you who are curious, I do have a boyfriend now! As soon as I gave up my desire and longing for (ultimately, a husband)... as soon as I gave up that dream and told God that no matter what happens, no matter what His plans are for me, I'll follow Him, husband or not. And BOOM, God put Ken into my life and we will be getting married.... dunno when, but we will be!

And I've never loved art so much before as I do now... I don't have as much time for it because of all the homework I do (and plus my tablet isn't compatible with my laptop), but I miss uploading art to this place and dA so much! And I'm no longer depressed... I have never been happier than now, even with no job, no money!

If you have any, ANY questions, I'll be happy to answer them for you! Email me or leave a comment!

Love y'all!
~JtC

Accepting Requests
or Commissions:		 Yes
Joined: Tue Apr 25 17:51:34 2006
First Art Posting: Mon Oct 8 14:44:49 2007
Latest Art Posting: Fri Nov 13 07:18:48 2009
Pictures: 103
Age/Birthday: 12/28/1989
Location: California
Occupation: servant of Christ
IM Contact:  
Website: http://jessthecougar.mylionking.com
E-mail: jessthecougar@yahoo.com